Queen of the Road

Lyrics:  Trailer for sale or rent/ Rooms to let, fifty cents/ No phone, no pool, no pets/ Ain’t got no cigarettes.

Just back from a favorite walk along the shores of Puget Sound.  Not much wildlife to see this time out; a lone harbor seal and a flock of squawking crows chasing an eagle.  The Seattle area has not seen real winter and there’s lots of new leafy growth on the roses.  Too early to prune.  Camellias are in bloom as are the flowering plum trees.  The holiday season already seems so long ago but the memories are fresh: of hosting a dinner party for a gathering of friends; of brunch with the “girls” from my high school days; of a special dinner out with a “dude” classmate from high school, and real mail in the mailbox.  Just as I depended on my sons to hang the outdoor lights and bring up the boxed tree from the basement, I now depend on them to take it all down again.  I don’t like being dependent.  Few do.  I consider myself quite fortunate in that I can drive wherever I need to go, day and night, whereas many of my classmates have had to let go of their wheels and depend on others for transportation.  Just as I hate to burden my sons with Christmas details, I hate the thought of being a burden on them for my transportation needs.

The elder years bring losses, more so collectively than at other periods of our lives.  The loss of car mobility is just one of them, but a biggie.  It’s a loss of independence, a loss of freedom.  It’s a quick trip down the hill to walk along the water.  The more attached we are to the subject/object lost, the more we can expect to struggle with the change.  After 55 years together, including all the ups and downs of married life, I’d grown quite attached to the Rose Man.  I really never realized how dependent I was on him until “increased necessity” required me to assume his responsibilities.

When he first suggested that we begin investigating retirement homes, I was totally resistive.  We did look at two.  The first one was a buy-in where after death 90% of the investment is returned to the heirs.  It would have been like living in a five-star resort hotel.  The cost of a one bedroom unit was twice the cost of our little brick home.  The second one was very nice and more realistic financially but so far out of town.  I’m still not ready to even decide on what to do and where to go but the thought of increased dependence in the future lurks.  A major concern is dependency on others for nearly everything vs. the interdependency in marriage.  It bothers me to depend on poorly paid employees, as kind and caring as they may be.  Retirement businesses do not pay well.

Meanwhile, the invitations arrive almost daily to attend a program, a tea, a lunch, and then tour retirement homes.  It’s good sense to know your options.

Lyrics:  About two hours of pushin’ broom/ Buys an eight by twelve four-bit room/ I’m a woman of means by no means/ Queen of the road.   (Song by Roger Miller)