BY MYSELF. The numbness has worn off. The family went through boxes and boxes of photos to create a visual of the Rose Man’s life. We laughed and shared happy memories. After all, no one takes pictures of unhappy times. Our grandson then scanned the pictures and our granddaughter put them in chronological order and added music from the list we liked. That’s when the numbness wore off; watching the film with music. Music does that; connects the mind with the heart. It’s raw emotion; makes it hard to drawn a breath. Now, just about anything can trigger the tears. Grief I find is all consuming — no shortcuts.
We’ve planned a memorial service, a celebration of the Rose Man’s life. Three of my spiritual teachers, Jewish Rabbi, Muslim Imam, and Christian Pastor have signed on to lead the service, and two of my favorite vocalists will sing. And we have a 17 year old trumpet player to open with Over the Rainbow. It will be a beautiful service to honor a life well-lived and man well-loved. I have a week now before the service to watch the DVD created by our grandchildren, over and over again, to bring on the tears until I dry up and the music no longer triggers that achingly painful sorrow. Not one tear will be wasted.
Meanwhile, I heard a song on the radio the other day — By Myself. The lyrics hit home: I’ll try to apply myself, And teach my heart how to sing. I’ll face the unknown, I’ll build a world of my own. No one knows better than I myself, I’m by myself alone.
It’s beginning to sink in.
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